#15 - Whatever you do, don't choose the $5 tank top.

I was at Target tonight, tagging along with my brother, and I wandered into the tank tops. 

(Yes. I live dangerously. Wandering around Target with a credit card in my pocket.) 

After two seconds in front of the display, I saw a red one and thought, hey, I don't have a red tank top, I only have a blue one at home. And it's so deliciously soft. And it's my size. 

What better way to kick off the summer? For $10 bucks. That's pretty good.  

I decided to get the baby-soft, perfectly-fitted crimson bro tank, and, at first, everything was fine and dandy.

Until I found a different tank top - on clearance. Only $5. I mean, it wasn't exactly my size, but it was only 5 bucks. 

Uh oh. This was a toughie. What was I to do??

Yes, I do know that this story is a simple, if not silly, example of a difficult life decision. Yet I believe this situation exemplifies more significant moments in life. The same logic I use here can be applied elsewhere.

So I actually let myself wrestle with this one a bit, and attempted to bring all my decades of hard-earned experience and wisdom to the table to answer...

Which item should I choose?

Well, I thought to myself: let's examine my options. 

1) Do I buy the red one, in my size, for $10? Was it worth expending a double-digit amount of my hard-earned cash? Remember this was my first (and, at one point, only) choice, and one with which I was already satisfied. 

2) Or do I get the grey striped one, in a slightly larger size, for $5? 

The second option was tempting. It was half as much money! (That's like....50%!) It was quite prudent to be reducing my expenses like that. It wasn't too big, just slightly, and it was also pretty soft and nice. (see: anything can be rationalized given enough time). 

There was a third choice, actually. My other option, not stated, was getting nothing at all. But let's break this down. Choosing nothing can be a wise move, but can also be chosen immaturely and irrationally out of impatience and frustration. Just forget the whole thing, this is stressing me out, I'm not going to get anything. This could look a lot like avoidance. 

Yet, it could also be demonstrating self-control - resisting an impulse. Being big enough to walk away. 

Examined closely, this third one was more complex than it appeared.   

Well, shipyard shishkabobs - where in the heck do we go from here?

At this point, with all these possibilities weighed together, my life-experience voice was yelling something at me very clearly: the most tempting option was the worst one. 

The $5 tank top was the impostor. 

It was the choice that should elicit the same feeling as the good guy in the movie who turns out in the end to be the bad guy, and you get hit with the sinking realization that twists your stomach and tells you - run. Get the hell away and alert the authorities and don't look back. 

When you shake out all the options, the $5 tank top is the one not to choose. It's the safe choice, chosen simply because it's safe. It's the watered-down compromise. It's trying to please everyone and make everyone happy. It's the choice that plays into the fear of stepping out, of taking a risk, of letting go of something good to leap to a life that's better.

Don't. Whatever you do, don't get the $5-grey-striped, slightly-too-large tank top.     

There's always that option in life. The cop out that lets us rationalize anything really, because we were too lazy or too timid to do what was right, to do what we truly wanted.

I have too many shirts in my closet (literally, and figuratively - "shirts in my closet") that I purchased because I told myself a story in the store, a story that sounded nice but wasn't based on the truth. As if I didn't want to let that shirt down by rejecting it back to the shelf. I didn't want to hurt the shirt's feelings. But if I were truly honest with myself, I would admit that I'm not totally in love with it, so sorry-I'm-not-sorry, I'm putting you back, I'm leaving this store empty-handed. It's so much better than collecting junk I don't really want. Either love it, or say goodbye.

And yes, the third option actually is a choice. Don't just avoid a situation. But you can decide to walk away. Be decisive about it. I'm deciding not to make this purchase. I'm choosing responsibility. I'm choosing self-control. I'm choosing a story based on the truth. 

Or, do what you had already decided to do from the very beginning, do what was in your gut all along, do the thing that you knew would make you happy before you gave in to doubt and second-guessed yourself. 

Do what I did, and buy the damn red shirt.  

#14 - Decisions, decisions

I was thinking today about small decisions.

Small decisions that, if you look at them a certain way, are really big ones. 

In middle school, right before 8th grade, my brothers and I didn't know what school we were going to the next year.

We had heard about a brand new school opening up. No reputation, no history. I don't even remember who we heard about it from. 

Anyway, if any number of events had happened differently, it's likely that we would have gone to another school, and never thought about it again. My whole life would have had a very different trajectory. Many of the people I know would be strangers. Much of my personal and professional history would be erased and replaced with something else. It's hard to imagine. 

Or if my grandma had not moved across the country with four kids in a station wagon, bringing my mom to Arizona. It's extremely likely I wouldn't be here today. A different choice would have jeopardized my entire existence.  

Or if I had taken an internship in Washington state instead of California. Who knows where that would lead?

When I younger, these thoughts overwhelmed me. I wondered if wearing a striped shirt instead of a cleverly worded graphic T would somehow set off a chain reaction to alter the course of human history. And don't get started about which way I combed my hair. 

But even the big decisions don't have to be overwhelming. They don't have to be heavy and burdensome - what if I choose the wrong thing?

Instead, maybe a different choice can open up new possibilities. So make a choice - you never know what cool, amazing, wonderful thing could result from it. 

Like me. :D

#13 - In the Pit of Despair? Take the escalator.

(This post was not actually written this morning, but earlier this month on a particularly wretched morning. Spoiler Alert: I'm feeling much better now.)

This morning I woke up feeling awful. Not physically sick, but in every other way I was not ready for the day. 

Downtrodden. Overcome with despair. Hurt. It was the culmination of several recent events and circumstances that left me feeling pretty awful about my life. 

Nope. I was not ready to face the day. 

Now before you grab your streamers and balloons to help decorate my pity party, and ask me "aww, what's wrong?", just hear me out. That's not what this is about. This isn't about how I felt, it was about what I did about it. 

I knew that I felt awful, I knew I was feeling sorry for myself, but I also knew that I didn't want to stay that way. I wanted to feel empowered and do something about it. 

I considered all the things I so often tell others (despite, ironically, my recent blog post warning against giving advice): 

• Choose your attitude
• Don't focus on the negative.
• Think of what's in your center of control, and decide to take action. 

Ya know, that sounds WONDERFUL. Just fantastic. But it did not help my mood. It seemed an impossible task, as if this bad mood was an enormous boulder sunk down in the pit of my soul and I was to lift it up or roll it out. 

It wasn't budging. 

I also knew that just showing up to work wasn't good enough. It wasn't enough for me to just slog my way through it. I was supposed to be the inspirational teacher and advisor in a room with dozens of kids. 

I could possibly fake a pleasant attitude. I could force myself to say positive things. But you can't fake patience. You can't fake genuine warmth and energy. You can't pretend to be truly calm and caring.

I had to change my attitude and make it REAL. 

Oh boy. 

I didn't have much hope, but, ready or not, I threw myself forward. I did whatever I could to change my situation. 

I started by going to bed prepared the night before - I recognized my mood and anticipated a difficult morning. I stayed up a little bit later to make sure I had a clear plan for the day, because I knew I would be frazzled if I felt unprepared. 

I made sure I got a decent amount of sleep. It wasn't the most restful sleep because I was distressed and angst-ful, but I woke up fairly rested. That couldn't have hurt.  

I made and ate breakfast even though I don't like to eat when I'm under stress - I lose my appetite. But I knew I would need it for the day. And I brought leftovers for lunch to keep my fuel for the afternoon. 

Keep in mind, I'm doing all this feeling pitiful. I want to curl up in a ball and punch a pillow as I cry into it, probably resulting in unintentionally punching my own head but it would be OK because it's how I feel inside anyway. 

So even though I was feeling worse than Conan O'Brien after he was inexplicably let go from the Tonight Show in 2009, I was systematically and deliberately choosing actions that I thought would give me the best chance at surviving the day.

I made myself food, and made myself eat. I made myself sleep. I didn't know if they would work, but it was my best shot. 

Then perhaps the most useful thing I did was I wrote down affirmations when I woke up. I've realized that, even though I feel a bit like Stuart Smalley, these are really helpful for me, especially in the morning. 

Even His Airness needs to talk himself up. 

I wrote down a whole page. Here are some of them that I believe are worth sharing:

• Today is a New day. 
• I will spend my time in the present - not the past, not the future. 
• I am paying attention to my heart and inner voice. 
• I am an awesome teacher. 
• I am an excellent listener, and getting better. 
• I have a healthy, able body. 
• Criticism does not have to stick to me. 
• I am free from judgment. 
• I get to choose my attitude. 
• I am thankful. 

The day was still difficult, but I was surprised at how patient I was with the kids. I came in confidently and in control. I was FUN. I brought energy and insight. Individually, I probably had meaningful conversations with a dozen kids throughout the day. I got lost in my head a few times, sure, but I caught myself and returned to be predominantly present and focused on being a positive force for the community. 

I was amazed looking back at how I had started the day, and where I had ended up. To be honest, in five years of teaching, it was one of my best days in front of a class full of kids. No joke.  

What if I had chosen differently? What if I had not chosen at all and just let the day happen to me? What if I didn't have the tools and the experience to know how to respond to some pretty negatively powerful emotions?

I am thankful that I had the tools to create my own destiny today. And I look forward to showing my students, and others, so they can do it, too.  

(Please leave a comment here or on Facebook if you have a similar story to share and what you did about it. Or you can send me a message so I know you read it. Thanks as always for reading!)

#12 - A World of Small Wonders

I woke up on Sunday and wrote this in my journal. It's like a blog post, but on paper. Here's the online version.

I'm sitting up in my bed on Sunday morning. My light is off and the blinds are drawn shut, and yet the crack in the blinds lets in a few odd spots of light. Not the stack of parallel lines one would expect, but a few irregular blobs.

I was sitting there thinking, almost meditating with my eyes open, my mind rested and clear, my body calm.

I gazed at one of the shapes of light, directly ahead, and mused that one of them looked like a dinosaur...like a baby cartoon T-Rex. And I was just enjoying looking at the thing. A pleasant, ambient light starting to fill the room, and this one shape in front of me.

And as I stared at it, I began to notice the light that gave it shape was changing - not the shape itself, but its composition. Irregular lines and mixed patterns slowly panned left across the dinosaur's outline. It was like the film in an old movie, where the frames move across. I thought maybe my eyes were just adjusting, but I knew it wasn't my imagination. I could clearly make out the variance of light. And I surmised that there must have been clouds passing overhead, pushed by south or southwest winds...and the puffs of moisture and particles were chugging along, filtering the light passing through my window.

I considered for a moment that it could have been tree leaves affecting the light, but the movement was constant, smooth and never repeated. The ever-changing pattern was moving left the whole time. Which meant that this must have been a spot unobstructed by any branch...the sunlight was going through directly. I started looking around at other blobs of light and noticed an amalgamation a few feet away. I saw one had tiny shade spots dancing back-and-forth, swishing across the backdrop of light quickly. 

Swish-swish-swish. 

Ah, the leaves. There they are.

This whole spectacle on a lazy Sunday morning made me appreciate the small beauty around me. I say small, but it's really quite big.

I mean, think about it. This little light show in my room, which I would normally miss because I was rushing or cranky or too busy, could occur because a giant star, which is a burning ball of gas 93,000,000 miles away, sends light that travels a mere eight minutes to get to our planet, which gets filtered through our atmosphere and the ozone layer, and finds its way through a break in my blinds into the bedroom where I am. But not before having to cross a line of clouds slowly crawling across the sky like a row of taxis inching along the freeway. And the interplay between this caravan of clouds and the rays of sun is what creates the funny moving picture in front of me. And I get to enjoy it in the comfort of my own pajamas.

The world around us has a magical quality to it, and if we stop to notice and enjoy, we give ourselves a chance to be filled with wonder. And connecting with this wonder is the only way to have a chance to have a wonder-ful life in a wonder-ful world.

It's all around. And I bet you'll feel wonderful when you stop to enjoy it, too. 

#11 - My advice is...don't give advice

I was sharing with a friend recently about some things on my mind...about something I've been struggling with (I know, who would have thought I'd have things to struggle with? It happens occasionally). 

This friend listened well, and then he did what a lot of us as friends do. 

He gave advice. 

He said what he thought about my situation. 

And I was surprised by my reaction: I didn't like it. It felt kind of crummy. 

It made me think of how I do that a lot. I give advice. 

I mean, why not? I care. I have a lot of life experience and wisdom. I even have a blog where I share this wisdom with the masses. (No, really, you should read it sometime.)

And, plus, no one has to take my counsel, I'm just going to put it out there. No harm in offering it. 

But, in that moment, as I was on the receiving end of it, I was acutely aware that it doesn't always feel so pleasant.

I'm not saying there's never a place for it, but it's best used in moderation. Because no matter how good the intention, it doesn't usually have the impact the giver intends it to have. 

As for my friend, I don't fault him for saying what he said. He meant well. 

But I left more conscientious about how I can be a better friend, teacher, brother, neighbor. 

I don't have to dole out advice. I can hear what they are really saying - I can truly listen.

And then listen some more. That's really what everyone is looking for anyway. 


OK, I got it. I came up with this, and I'm going to leave it with you.  

It even rhymes: "Think twice before giving advice."

Pretty good, right? Remember...you first read it here. 

Look out for my book, Rhyming Adages, Summer 2018.      

#10 - Last place still ran the race

I ran a race last week. My goal was not to finish last.

I didn't finish last. But the most important thing was that I finished.

Like this blog post. I'm keeping my streak alive.

Already 10 blog posts so far this year.

1 time per day. Then once a week.

This isn't pretty.

It's not fancy.

It's not 1st place.

But it gets the job done.

Last place still beats everyone else on the sidelines.

#9 - A Few of my Fa-vor-ite Things

What do you value?

How do you know it has value?

This conversation often leads to a discussion about intangible things...things that have driven human existence for ages - love, peace, freedom, Otter Pops.

Sought after desperately since the beginning of time, or at least the '90s. 

But I want to focus on material objects, items we buy with money and credit cards, because that's a little more quantifiable than friendship and patience and Cheez-its.

So the question of the day is: What have you paid a lot of money for that you have zero regret about?

Or even: What is something that you love so much that you would have paid even more money for it if you would have known how much pleasure it would have brought you?

I don't know about you, but I don't find these treasures very often. But when I do, I know, deep down in my soul, that it was a good purchase. It was worth every penny and then some. It goes on my List.

What's on yours?

While you think about it, I will share with you my List of...

 A Few (3) of My Favorite Things

1. My Lowa Boots

These waterproof, high-top, milk-chocolate-brown leather boots were exquisitely comfortable the moment I first slipped my feet in them. I've hiked in them all over the world (at least the parts I've traveled to.) Any time I think of them, I actually smile inside (and sometimes outside). I'm so happy I bought these boots. I have actually negative regret associated with them. 

I'm even crazy enough about them that, after climbing a sacred mountain, I took one of these beloved boots off, and then carefully set up and snapped the above photograph. No, I'm not joking. Look at it. Think of what I had to do to have taken that. In case you're wondering, that is Macchu Picchu blurred out in the background. I was standing there with a magnificent view of Macchu Picchu and I was taking a picture of my shoe.  

Why did I take it? Well, I knew I would be blogging about it years later and would need the perfect photograph to prove my point. And that is, that Lowa makes awesome boots. 

2. My car.

This is not my actual car, as evidenced by the fact that there is no grass in Arizona. 

My car is fantastic. If you asked me whether I would recommend it to anyone else, I would say no. 

I couldn't, because it's my car and it's for me.

I remember how much research I conducted before buying it. Even when I was at the bank finalizing the loan, I thought maybe I would regret it, or later there would be a better deal somewhere. 

But you know what? Who cares if there was a better deal? I found the perfect fit for me. 

It fit like a glove. A white glove. But it's only one car so it would be just one white glove. 

Yes, exactly! Just like that. 

My Wisdom: Cars are terrible investments, but the right one won't feel like it. 

3. My iPhone 6 (no, not Plus, because I'm not that weird).

Listen, I had an iPhone 4s and it was pretty good. But after awhile it became difficult to go on another day. This is terribly offensive to all of the real problems that exist in the world, but I am a child/victim of the technological age and it's true.

I looked at possibly switching away from Apple and considered other smart phones, but eventually I ordered the regular iPhone 6. Would I like it? Was it worth it? Well I wouldn't find out for 5 more weeks because of shipping delays. Ahh! Breathe. 

Fast forward. Now I have had it for months, and I just love the thing. It is, a bea-u-tiful device. I like holding it and looking at it. I love smelling it. (not really). 

I know, I know, it's just a phone. Plus, phone companies and carriers are horrendous money drains and they cause serious problems as a distraction and promote unhealthy social habits and interfere with relationships. But my point is that this is a large purchase and a long-term, day-to-day commitment that I'm 100% happy with.

There's a reason Apple just posted an $18-billion quarterly profit. It's called true love. (just kidding, true love is sacred and applies only to our society's relationship with Starbucks.) 

OK, at least I'm not this bad. 

* * *

Now you know some of the top items on my List. There were a few on the bubble. The Honorable Mentions would be: my bed frame, mattress, camera, Ninja blender. But not quite.

I'm actually really curious - and if you're reading this I expect you to post or let me know - what items have you purchased that you absolutely love? No regret?!

I can't wait to know! Maybe I'll go and buy it, too.